Grieving with My Daughter – Pastor Gift
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Posted in General Posts by Pastor Gift on 4/30/2009
Death is the most spoken about topic in Nsoko. People die and for me this has become part of life. Every weekend I watch people go to more then one funeral.
An Exception
There is a death however, that became an exception. It changed from observing community routine on a weekend to something that hit hard home to me. A teacher died at the school adjacent to the community center. Pupils in uniform as well as community people came in large numbers to wait for big lorry to transport them to the parental home of this teacher for the funeral.
Miss Mbingo was darling to all the children in the community.My firstborn daughter, Nothando was also very close to her. Nothando used to visit with the teacher often. When Miss Mbingo fell sick, Nothando and her three close friends would go help her sweep and clean the house, fetch her water and other basic things she needed help with. When she died on Easter weekend everyone knew about her death and the children talked about it a lot.
A Confession
Nevertheless, to me this was just another AIDS victim that had succumbed to death. I will also confess that I felt no remorse or even a tinge of saddness over her death (I’m a horrible person sometimes). In my mind I was reasoning that I had done my part in trying to help her becuase if, only if she was not so obstinate she would be alive. Miss Mbingo refused HIV/AIDS treatment believing that the LORD will heal her. I counselled with her to no success and now she was dead. Oh! Lord forgive me.
The Moment of Reality
My daughter came home that evining of the before the funeral with a lot of questions about death. At first I took them as general questions from an infant curious about the ritual of death. I began to give casual answers about how people die so that they can go to their maker in heaven if they accepted the atonement of sins through Jesus. She then says, “I’m suffering a lot of pain deep in my heart.”
Wow! That hit home. There and there I remembered that she was referring to the death of Miss Mbingo. I also recollected that when she was in Grade 1 she lost her class teacher. Prior to that she had lost her maternal Great-Grandmother. Now her friends had lost their Grade 1 teacher who happens to be her friend too. She wanted to know if Miss Mbingo was safe and well where she was.
What struck me the most is my daughter’s wish. She wished to be the first to die in the family because she cannot stand losing any of her parents thus becoming an orphan. She plainly said she does not believe she can survive the death of eirther of her parents. She kept on repeating this statememt and by that time my eyes were teary . I tried my best to hold them but my daughter was confused, in pain and hurting. I could not watch her hurt like that but then there was nothing I could do. I ran out of words.
When I cuddled her gentle and began telling her it was alright as I was right there by her side understanding how she feels about this whole thing. She burst out weeping aloud like someone just heard bad news. She let out such a sad mourn it began to hurt me deep inside my soul. I began to cry with her not sure if I was mourning the death of Miss Mbingo or my daughter fractured soul. I kept her in my arms for such a long time that she fell asleep like a very small baby. I did not want to let her go so I too fell asleep with her in my arms. I cannot even remember how my wife took her to bed and commanded me to do the same. But I know she did it somehow.
I believe my daughter is okay now. However, with so many children already sick of AIDS, how am I going to explain their death? I bet I would have to cross that brigde when I get to it. Lord help us. I thought I could share this story in the hope that someone might be healed somehow. I do not know. Lord help us all! May you be gracious to us all.
This story reached right into our hearts. God Bless you in your work, and blessings over you and your family. The Black’s
I am sure you and Lisa deeply feel the pain of pastor Gift, his daughter and wife right now. I cannot imagine how difficult it is, even with the hope of Christ they have, to walk through the pain and death of losing those they love to HIV/AIDS. Praying for the Gift family today as they grieve!
praying for them and yall!!