In the late 80’s early 90’s I was living my passion. I was part of a ministry that was touching on things in the spirit that was unusual. Before the “Toronto Blessing” and many other outpourings of the Holy Spirit, we had God showing up at our gatherings in mighty, powerful ways!
My marriage was a complete disaster, but the grace from the Lord was that He was blessing everything I put my hands to with ministry…
When my first marriage ended tragically in 1999, so did my ministry; everything I knew or could put my name to, was gone. Reputation, homes, dignity, confidence, pride, self-preservation, my rights; by God’s grace, (although I did not see it as such at the time) it was all stripped away.
Then the Lord did something even more amazing; he gave me the perfect marriage – a woman that saved my life, loved me unconditionally, held me accountable and reminded me who I was; still every day. And a mother to my children that is beyond natural; Lisa-Marie truly is a “Supernatural” mother and wife. However…
For years now I have been wrestling with ministry. Every time I felt the Lord call me to something, or say I could have it – it was there and then it was gone. It was though God would “Dangle a Carrot” in front of my face, say, “here it is Gary, now run”! Then weeks, or even days later, it would be as if God would say, “Just kidding, you don’t get to do this”!
If I am honest, this “Dangling Carrot” syndrome has been devastating at times. Just the other day I had some people promise some things that would take us to the next level with ministry. Within a few days they called back and said, “No, sorry, we didn’t mean it”! For two days I struggled, again…
Then my friend Andrew Shearman sends me an email that says – “At least we are in the Arena, fighting for God, instead of in the seats cheering someone else on. Come on Black, you are in the Arena”!
Through this God reminds me of my family, a couple of close friends, my parents, the World Race, Nsoko Africa, and I rest… and I keep fighting…
