Living in the “Now”

I had posted a couple blogs on “Recovering Your identity” here is the full post, with the last part included; edited a little better…

Recovering your identity

We need to recover what we lost in childhood. The recovery process involves collecting all the information you missed out on as a child so you can conduct yourself responsibly as an adult.  Most people are either locked in the past or are looking to the future, therefore missing out on “the now.” 

Most people never do recover…they just rehearse.  They plug in the pain dvd every day and that is all they listen to…old recordings, old mistakes, old traumas, old habits, old behavior patterns, old junk.  But going through life looking in the rear view mirror is a formula for a wreck.  The windshield is many times larger than the rear view mirror and that’s where our focus needs to be.  Looking forward, we have clarity, field of vision and the ability to read the signs along the way.

If those issues are not dealt with, they sink below the surface, only to rise again, creating prolonged agony and struggle, both for that individual and those trying to help them.  This process of helping you heal requires pulling your car over so that you can take a long look into the rear view mirror to see with clarity what happened to you and why it happened. Christian counselors can help, but they can’t do their job, unless you are willing to do yours.

If we never mature emotionally, then, in the words of Henry David Thoreau, we are destined to “spend our lives in quiet desperation.”  We become emotionally stuck. While our physical bodies keep on growing, because our emotional needs were not met at that stage, we are unable to progress beyond that stage.

What does this look like? Suppose you are now 40 years-old and dating a 40 year-old girlfriend who quit developing emotionally at age 16.  How can she conduct herself responsibly as an adult if she’s still only 16 emotionally?  And how do you, as a 40 year-old man, relate to a 16 year-old girl?  If she’s not your daughter, this is likely trouble in all 50 states, for starters!  Furthermore, how does a 16 year-old “adult” impart wisdom to her children, love her husband and support her family?

To become a whole person (rather than a person full of holes), we have to do some hard work.   We must press into the painful parts of our past if we are to become everything God intended for us to become from the moment He created us.  If our arrested development is the result of something that happened to us long ago, then we have to go back there and work through what happened to get us stuck. 

Perhaps we need an 11th commandment:” Thou shall not kid thyself!”  It would likely be violated more often than all ten combined.  Don’t waste the time and energy to conceal or deny the hurts of the past.  If we don’t learn from the mistakes of our past, we are destined to repeat them.  Rehearsal or recovery…the choice is yours.

There are no quick fixes in this journey.  Every day is a struggle and a painful walk.  Ben Franklin said it well, “Those things which cause us pain, instruct.” You can’t walk into a successful stranger’s closet and hope to walk out wearing a suit that leaves the impression with others that you are successful and your clothes are tailor-made.

Life is too precious to remain buried in the past.  The only thing worse than being a victim is being a willing victim.  Ross Perot said, “The trouble with most men is that they throw in the towel and fall down on the 1 yard line.” You have professional counselors, pastors, friends and loved ones, who will push you, pull you or carry you across the goal line, rather than allow you to fall down on the one yard line.  Trust them, open your heart and your past to them and accept their support on the road to wholeness and healing.  Bear you one another’s burdens, so that you may be healed.  The truth will set you free.  Embrace the truth of your past, own your “now” (the present) and dare to dream big dreams for your future.

You may be confused on which way to turn because there are so many choices, but ultimately, you have to decide.  Every good outcome in life begins with a decision.  But not every voice you hear will convey wisdom.  In fact, since most of those around you are not professional counselors, they can only provide limited comfort and unlimited opinions.  David said: “I will hear the shepherd’s voice and no other voice will I hear.” 

Recovery is part trial-and-error and part milestones, so don’t be discouraged and don’t read the wrong signs along the way.  God is saying, “Be still and listen to your heart, for while the world tries to fill your head with noise, I continue to whisper!”  He is good and true to teach the proper path.

The life lessons you encounter can make you bitter or better.  You can choose to turn your scars into stars.  You can become all that God intended for you to be because you are a child of destiny.  The only thing that can get in the way of that destiny is you.  So get out of your way!  As you recover, you will discover all that God has in store for you.  And while you are “under repair,” ask Him to use you as an instrument of hope and healing for those who are recovering and on their way to discovering their destiny!

NEVER LET YOUR MEMORIES BE GREATER THAN YOUR DREAMS!